am I crazy?

Yes, so I've been here in Copenhagen or København for about 3 weeks now, and I've again started considering another totally different career track. I really don't think people should have to pick this early. I'm so indecisive and prone to huge fits of inspiration so often... it's hard to know what will stay with me and what will fade away. The latest one is grad school... which I never thought I'd even really ever consider doing. The thing is though... so many programs pay for you to go if you get in--that's something I didn't really realize before. It'd also be another chance to do the whole college search thing again, and now that I know what I want in a school, I think I'd enjoy it much more. I'd get the chance to start all over. So you're probably thinking grad school isn't so crazy, right? I mean I am an English major... but the thing is, it is not grad school for English that has struck me. It's grad school for Philosophy. a stinking PHD in philosophy! I don't know... I feel like I could do that and maybe teach at a college. It would be amazing to be a college professor I think. I could teach just a basic intro course and then I could teach something on maybe philosophy and religion and all the problems that involves... or perhaps some specific topic will strike me down the line. I honestly have loved my philosophy class at DIS so far, and Søren Kierkegaard has definitely been an interesting read so far. I know this sounds horribly vain, but sometimes when I read SK, I feel like he is expressing some of the very thoughts and problems I have been thinking about. Of course, he says them in more convoluted and academic terms, but many of the ideas are similar. When I have more time, I will have to give you some examples of this. I've written many of them down in my notes. I have to go out and buy a journal! Somehow, I already lost the one I brought with me when I had only written a few pages.

ugh but what about the magazine/npr internships? I think I might try to apply for everything--grad school and internships and see what happens from there. I could always request a deferral. Honestly though... I don't think I'll be done with Copenhagen in December. I feel like there's more for me here than can be contained in just a few months. Now I just need to find an excuse to stay. I wish I had more time as an undergraduate! One more semester isn't going to cut it.

Maybe it's just my age or mabye I'm just being melodramatic, but

I feel like lately it's as if about once a week, I get these sudden strong impulses/breakthroughs to do something that might radically alter the direction of my life. About 3 weeks ago it was NPR. Yeah, it sounds completely lame. I mean I used to make fun of my parents or roll my eyes at their tradition to listen only to NPR. (it's pretty much the only thing they listen to in the car, and it's ALWAYS on 24 hours a day in our kitchen where an old-fashioned radio is perched on our refridgerator/freezer combo unit). So maybe it somehow became endearing because of that or maybe it's just one of those appreciations that creeps up on you as you enter adulthood.

Really though, NPR has many interesting programs. Did you know that there are 80 free podcasts available through i-tunes? I especially like: Fresh Air, Pop Culture, Movies, This American Life, and All Songs Considered. I mean have you taken a look at All Songs Considered? They actually have quite an impressive list of musical guests (think The National, Okkervil River, Spoon, PB&J, Iron & Wine... to name a few.)

Yes, so I have added NRP to the list of internships to apply for. They actually have quite a few. I also decided that some sort of a media-based job seems appealing. (radio, newspaper, magazine... I think I'll shy away from the tv and all its corruptions).

This is not why I am writing, however.

The latest craze that has been simmering lately and only today really demanded my full attention is writing about current events and actually becoming an active force in this widely ambivalent and indifferent youth culture. Of course this is not to say that I profess to actually have any idea of what is going on in the world. I'm actually probably more ignorant than most, but I really think that if our generation became active, we could make people start to pay attention to some important issues that have been too long overlooked. Ignorance by definition is a state of lacking knowledge, but if this state is freely adapted and chosen (ie by chosing to turn the radio dial when issues of politics, genocide, and environmental issues announce themselves), can it really still be considered ignorance? This is the problem of today: A self-imposed and freely-elected 'ignorance' that is really indifference in disguise.

So what is it that I am proposing to do? Well for starters, I'd like to actually find out about these issues so that I may approach them from an educated viewpoint... perhaps this will take the form of writing articles in order to get the word out... who knows. Today I have decided that I should take a poli sci class. Seems like a small thing, but I think it will be a good start. Hopefully it's not too late to switch into a class (through DIS) called: European Conflict and Security Issues.

The course description:
A study of issues and problems in European security. The search for a stable European security order. The transatlantic relationship. The emergence of new threats like terrorism, proliferation of weapons of mass destruction, ethnic conflict, and failing states. The attempt to define an active role for the European Union in international security.

My dad told me three years ago that I would make a good poli sci major. Too bad I called him crazy.

Yesterday I saw a bumper sticker that read:





















I wonder if they have succeeded yet.

so jumpy

Every night at approximately 9:45 PM, Peter Romanov gets on the loudspeaker and announces that the library will be closing in 15 minutes. Every night, this sudden break in the silence makes me jump... quite literally. It happens even though I know the announement is impending. I can be looking at the clock, which reads 9:45PM and brace myself, silently telling myself over and over that it is about to happen, and I still get freaked out.

I really just love storms

we finally had a nice storm tonight in Winston.
I miss those summer storms at the beach so much.
Remember that time it rained so hard that we couldn't tell where the ocean started?
The kids were all screaming--it was raining that hard, but it was glorious.
where beauty overlaps and is intertwined with chaos... I think that's where I want to be.

have you danced in the rain? I mean really just cut loose?

how do they know?

So the webpage I was just looking at had little advertisements imbedded in the page. Normal, right? Yeah... but I actually took the time to read those ads today, and they were creepily catered to me. Ok, maybe not the one about getting a credit card, but the one advertising the "Magic Dance" ringtone?! Man! How do those little spies know I am a closet Labyrinth fan? That is just sick. I mean how many people would even know that "Magic Dance" is a David Bowie song in Labyrinth?

home.

So I went home for a few days this week. Here are some highlights:
-I got a new driver's liscense because my old one was scheduled to expire in June. Apparently, my liscense is now good until I turn 31. That is so crazy. I can't even imagine being 31. So much will change before then. The annoying thing is since I got it before my birthday, I'll be 30, and my lisence will still say "under 21."

-I ran into one of the guys who asked me to prom junior year. I hadn't seen him in four years. As you can imagine, we did not bring up the prom thing. It was actually a good interaction though. He really was one of my favorite people in High School... one of the only ones worth talking to. He works at Fazoli's now.

I feel like my father must have paid my grandfather to periodically ask me if I had found a job yet. I was home for about 48 hours, and her seriously asked me 4 times if I had found a job. Dimentia? I don't think so.

To respond to that question, I do now have a job... at good old ZSR. Yeah, I'll be working at the reference desk and in "special collections" which kind of makes me think of "secret service." So things are starting to fall into place. I now at least have the first half of the summer mapped out... now what to do with July/August?

the remnants of a year

Cleaning out my room, I find:
Lists of things to do yet left undone,
receipts from meals,
expired, unused coupons,
movie ticket stubs,
exactly 8 fortunes (even though I don't like Chinese food),
that cd I forgot to give back to you,
someone's lost lanyard that I never turned in,
a red and yellow striped paper clip,
an unfinished scarf,
a couple of letters,
a spider's web in the bathroom,
a pile of books left unread, and
those earplugs I couldn't find the night there were still people here at 4AM.

Beware:

After 1:45 PM on Friday

Yeah, it's short
yeah, I cried a little,
but it's growing on me.
(pun not originally intended, but I didn't change it.)


because it was time for a change


if it takes 7 donations on average to make a wig,
I have 5 more to go.

man, you can see the nervousness in my eyes.
















and... two days later.

I no longer think like I look like a long-lost
Hanson brother, so that's good.

Before 1:30PM on Friday

Brace, yourself.

In Search of Lost Time

Well I managed to avoid losing an hour of sleep for a week since I was in Louisana for Spring Break (which is in a different time zone), but time finally caught up with me and surpassed me last night. I can't believe that school starts tomorrow. Even though Spring Break seemed to fly by in some respect, I feel as if I haven't attended classes in a decade. I don't know... I like school for the most part, but I just don't want to get back into that rushing mentality that seems to accompany it.

dream entry #5

So I was working at a new place for the first time except that this wasn't your conventional store at all. The one store was sort of a miniature mall with a walkway in the middle that separated various sections of the store. There was an icecream shop, a coffee shop (of course), an art studio, a haircutting place, and an area that sold vacuum cleaners. For a while, I sort of hung out behind the counter at the coffee/icecream shop, but I wasn't really doing anything because no one had given me training of any kind or even instructions. So after a while, I started walking around aimlessly, pretending to be busy. After about twenty minutes of this (yes, I checked my watch in my dream), this guy working there asked me why I was just walking around and not really doing anything. I explained to him that I didn't know what the heck I was supposed to be doing, and he said, "Come follow me, and I will show you what to do." So I followed him out the back door of the store complex and found myself in this wonderful, mysterious wooded area/meadow. Immediately upon exiting the building, the guy starting darting so quickly among the trees and brush that I was afraid I'd lose him, but somehow I stayed on the trail. Suddenly, he dove into a pool of water in the middle of the forest, and still, I followed him as he swam deep beneath the surface. I wish I could have seen where he was going, but then I woke up violently without even my alarm clock going off, somehow thinking I'd overslept. I bolted out of bed only to see that it was only 7:59 AM. I guess now I'll never know what he was going to show me.

saving the world one cup of coffee at a time

so I went out to get coffee with one of my professors this afternoon, and we talked for a while about the speaker we had just seen and the applications the material had for our lives. Shouldn't that be what school is? Just a dialogue between teacher and student without having to worry about grades, grad schools, etc. where each feels free to challenge the other and there are no desks or podiums to hide behind.

So today I signed up for my classes for next semester...

and here's what I've got as of right now:

1. Cross Cultural Psychology
2. The Making of the Modern Self (a philosophy class)
3. Russian Lit--The Great Works in Translation
4. Muslims in Western Europe (for my Religion requirement)
5. Elementary Danish

I was really upset because the Hans Christian Anderson class I wanted to take was not listed!! I have emailed the program to inquire about this because that was one of the classes I was most looking forward to. I am really excited about the Making of the Modern Self Class. Hopefully the psych class won't be too bad. (I sort of need it to graduate, anyway, and it would be kind of lame taking "Cross-cultural" psych in America. Plus the Developmental Disorders class I was interested in is at 8:30 AM... and it's likely that I'll have to commute 45 minutes to get to school, so that's just not going to happen.) Also--the Gender, Body, and Sexuality class unfortunately was at the same time as the Making of the Modern Self class, so that sucked. I also want to look into the Food, Film, and Fiction class... that sounds delightful.

So I'm really excited to go to Denmark, but it kind of sucks that I didn't go last semester when I was in my funk. (Yeah, just take a look at my blog entries from last semester, and you'll see what I mean. I don't know if I was depressed per se, but something was "off" to say the least.) Now housing next year is so much more complicated.

but I don't even like raisins...

There was a raisin on my shoe when I took it off just now.
I do not know how it got there.
I don't even remember encountering any raisins today.

I needs me some culture

The other day, I realized that I have not been out of North or South Carolina in 7 years... and that was for a funeral, so that doesn't really count. Outside of my trip to California at age 3, I have not even been further West than about Asheville, NC. Sad.

Man, I can't wait to go to Denmark this fall.

V-day Especial

Hello everyone. So when I was procrastinating last night, I compiled the single best line for Valentine's day from each of the songs I played on my radio show... and it goes something like this:

"would you go along with someone like me?"
"I think I'm in love, but it makes me kinda nervous to say so"
"If you find yourself caught in love, say a prayer to the man above"
"fruit always tastes much sweeter when I'm with you"
"whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again"
"all I do is sleep all day and think of you"
"I'm a high school lover, and you're my favorite flavor"
"Oh my lover for the first time in my life, my eyes can see"
"love is a tired symphony you hum when you're awake"
"you left a lovestain on my heart"
"If music is my lover, you are just a tease"
"hey, lloyd, I'm ready to be heartbroken"
"touch me, baby, tainted love"
"I need a lover with soul power"

all this dust

So I was wondering how it is that everything gets so dusty. Where the heck does it come from anyway? As I was pondering this mystery of life, I drew a squiggly design across the black background of my computer screen. Mere seconds after I did this, I actually watched a piece of dust get sucked onto my computer screen.

I feel like this should be a metaphor for something. All this dust. I mean there's dust on all of my things--my speakers, my picture frames, my dresser, my phone, my computer, etc. Dust is a part of our lives, and the thing is... we really can't stop it from coming. All we can really do is move it around. Displace it. Pull out the Swiffer, perhaps. But it will come back. It always does.

laundry day.

Some weeks after doing laundry, I realize that I
only wore one color scheme all week.