some disconnected thoughts:

Drama (no, I'm not talking about a genre of WB shows or a theatre production)... sometimes I can't decide if I enjoy it or I despise it. Right now I'm leaning more towards the latter. Sure drama can make things interesting, but it can also interupt a peaceful, go-with-the-flow mindset.

On a completely different note...
Me and four of my housemates went camping this weekend in "Waynesville, NC." I'm not exactly sure why I put that in quotes... read into it what you want. So when we showed up at the first site, it was full, so we were sort of disgruntled if you will and nervous that we had driven for about 3 hours for nothing. Enter Cassidy's Dad who was kind enough to find us a place at some other location--Hemp Farms--I think it was called. Yeah, so we set up the tent by the light of Kasee's headlights and gathered sticks and stuff for the campfire. Yes, we had a campfire, and there were s'mores involved (as well as veggie burgers on sticks). Too bad we didn't sleep on grass or even dirt--no, we slept on gravel, and gravel sucks. Gravel is not even outdoorsy. Other than that, it was nice. We barely saw anyone else there at all, and the view was pretty nice. So yeah, we had a grand old time, and I even got in some spooning... or as I like to call it: spooning for survival because it was a bit chilly. So yeah, then we hung out in Asheville for a while which was really nice. I really do want to live in Asheville at some point in my life. (like when I get out of Wake.) I have found that the mountains are quite enjoyable--a nice contrast to all that beach time. (Not that I'm complaining about the beach of course).

So my car wouldn't start on Saturday night, and for that reason I had to pay $79 today to get it fixed which sucks a lot. On a more positive note: It could have been a lot worse--my car could have chosen to stop working while I was alone at a concert in Charlotte or Asheville or something, so for that I am definately thankful.

So I signed up for this thing called Audioscrobbler which keeps track of the songs you play through i-tunes, and connects you to people that have a similar music taste, so that's pretty sweet. My page is here in case you want to see what I've been playing lately. I only just figured out how to use it, so despite what it says, it has not been up since September.

another brief scene from a dream...

I just dreamed that I went home, and my dad somehow managed to grow out his hair--it was longer than mine, and he wore it in a ponytail down his back. It was weird because it wasn't gray. There was also some random baby living at my house that resembled this girl I was friends with in CT when I was about 5.

Then yesterday night my dream took place in my friend Liz's old house (that she hasn't lived in since 7th grade).

I was reading some Keats poetry last night before I went to bed--"The Eve of St. Agnes"--apparently there's this tradition or something that if you do certain rituals on the eve of st. agnes and you are a virgin, you will dream about your husband. Interesting concept. I think I have dreamed about my future husband before, but I could never make out his face.

sigh.

I want so much to be an artsy person--someone who has deep discussions about passages from great books in front of a fireplace to people wearing sweater vests and chords, but I'm afraid that I just am not capable of such things. I want to be intellectual... maybe that's the problem--I want to be intellectual, so I'm not. It just sucks--I don't want to fit in with the general Wake Forest crowd, but I look the same--I have rainbows and a freaking north face backpack! I think much of my frustration comes from my recent grade in English. I like English so much, but I just suck at it. I have these good ideas, but I can't ever incorporate them properly into an argument. How can I be thinking about grading English papers if I can't even write them, myself? I don't know.

This year has been better in general so far... don't get me wrong. It's just that I have a lot of the same frustrations: I don't know what to major in or what I'm good at, I'm having the same issues with boys, and I'm not fostering my personal relationship with God nearly as much as I should. I feel like a big faker going to church every Sunday. I just don't know.