a dream

I meant to post this yesterday, but oh well. My last night at home I had this (short) dream:

I walked into Johnson toward my room, and all of my friends from high school were sitting on the ground outside of my door. I continued to walk toward them and toward A103 (my old room), but then I said, "Wait... but I don't live here anymore." and the dream ended--sort of like a fade out, and I woke up.

last night in my bed until Thanksgiving

Well my room is pretty much empty again. The cars are packed, the gas tanks full, breakfast waiting (already made) in the fridge, i-tunes mix entitled "sophomore year begins" made, and everyone safely in bed. In just a few short hours I will embark upon my life as a sophomore in college. wow. No longer will I be that scared freshman for whom everything is new. I will not get lost on campus (well maybe still in Tribble), I will be one of those annoying people who runs over to hug her friends, I know more of what to expect, and I don't have to take a stinkin' math course. (For the first time in years I will not even need my fancy TI 83 which I have bestowed upon my brother. cheers.)

I'm going to be living in a house! wow! Tomorrow night will set the tone for the rest of the year that I will spend with the other nine people (except for Joan, my roommate, who is arriving a bit later). I'm nervous, excited, and anxious at the same time. I really hope I will be able to sleep tonight. Last night I already did not sleep too well due to my (poor) choice to watch a special on serial killers right before bed. (I couldn't help myself, the whole idea is just so fascinating. I knew before I set out to watch it that I would have trouble sleeping, but that didn't stop myself from turning on the TV. On that note, I will not have a TV in my room this year. Joan said she doesn't need one, so I decided I would also try to live without one. I think this will be good. And, hey, I could watch Gilmore Girls with Courtney or someone on the way back from Presby, and it will even be like a special bonding time. I have to admit that it will be sort of sad living away from Carol. By the end of the year we really just clicked, and I have only known Wake with Carol as my roommate up until this point. I am of couse excited about roomming with Joan, however, and hope that I will still see Carol and her crazy coats around.

Alright, here goes nothing. I will try to jump right into my sophomore year and not look back at what "could have been."

when does the day end and tomorrow become today?

Sometimes I want to go to bed, and I know I should, but I have this feeling that I’m forgetting to do something or that I just haven’t really felt like I’m ready for the day to conclude. It’s almost like I need to do something meaningful before I go to sleep. This is a feeling I get before I turn off the lights usually—it’s not like I have trouble actually sleeping… just turning off the lights when I haven’t really done anything productive for hours. This feeling is rare at school because I usually go to sleep following completing my homework or after a visit to Waffle House or after a good discussion with someone. All of these things have a definite end, but sitting here in my room doing random things on the computer or reading or packing… well those things could keep going for a while longer. They have no definitive ending. I guess that’s my problem. I feel like the day is simply not over—like I’m closing a book in the middle of a sentence or something. Or perhaps this is just a God thing telling me that I should pray or read the Bible before bed. I don’t really know.

what the heck?

4 comments on the last blog... and right after I changed the settings to let "annonymous people" leave comments. Interesting that they seemed very random (well the annonymous ones anyway)... almost like they were trying to use me to advertise. sad. I will conduct an experiment to see if it happens again, and then I may have to change the settings. I don't think they even read my blog because the last entry wasn't at all insightful, and they put stuff like, "hey, great blog!" Also, what's with that second comment about spelling and the i-pod? That was pretty funny.

Back at home

Yeah. So I got home Monday night. Since then I've basically just been sitting around and reading and avoiding cleaning my room. You see, I still haven't unpacked from school from when I got back in May. If you could see the floor of my room, you would think that some sort of disaster must have occurred within, but you would be wrong. I've just been ridiculously lazy pretty much. I mean I want to pack, I just don't want to unpack. Another one of my problems is that I just don't want to throw away stuff. Even if it seems it's totally pointless to keep stuff, I just have a hard time letting go I guess. (That kind of goes along with my love for photo collages, Andrew. so many memories can be found just by looking at a movie ticket stub or something like that.)

I went to the dentist today. Always an experience at the dentist. I both love and hate it. I absolutely love the clean feeling afterwards, but I hate actually being in that chair. You really have no control at all. Today the lady who was working on me had the hic-ups. You can only imagine the pain this caused me.

I am excited about getting back to Wake. I have actually recently had some dreams that included Wake people (had a dream about Ben last night, and I honestly don't really remember anything about it). I'm excited about getting to know the people in the house for sure. I'm also excited about going to see shows with people. Can't wait to get back in touch with Sarah (Dunham), and I'll definately miss Alex.

I've been waking up stinking early lately, and I can only guess that it is because I have been going to bed by 10:30 every night. Man, I have no life. Well, I'd better wrap this up. It's getting close to bed time.

death

This morning I saw a dead, beached dolphin on the beach. I was so shocked, I couldn't even cry it was so sad. (The worst part was that I saw another dolphin swimming just off the beach as if it were looking for it's friend.) I also saw a really pretty dead butterfly on the ground in addition to a dead skink. What the heck is that all supposed to mean?

kids

(I wish I could post some stinkin' pictures to make this more interesting, but I am not on my personal computer now. I will work on that later at some point.)

I come to these random revelations or decisions quite often now for some reason. Today I decided that I wanted to name my son "Jack." No, I mean I'm obviously not planning on having kids in the near future, so I don't know why this came to me, but there it is. My dad's name is Jack, and it used to be that I didn't really like that whole naming your kid after some family member thing, but I do kind of like it now. I'm still not down with the giving him the dad's name, but grandfather? why not? My dad's pretty amazing, and I think that it's really funny to give kids sort of old people names. (I also like Frank and Max).

Wow, that was kind of a strange topic to share with people. Oh well.

Kids can be so funny. We have the little ones here this week--2nd, 3rd, and 4th graders. After breakfast this morning, one kid just goes bolting out of the dining hall and yells, "YESSSSS! FREEDOM!!!" Another kid asked if I would pass her the "sustinance" at dinner, and claimed that she always calls rolls that.

My one-piece tan line is out of control. seriously, you will laugh.

The other day I sat out in the rain on the dock and thought about life for a long time. It's funny... I brought out my i-pod, a journal, and a book, but I ended up just sitting there and thinking and praying. I'm really trying to figure out what God's will is for my life. This is not easy to do. Preachers always say that we are supposed to do God's will, but they don't mention how we're supposed to know what the heck that is. They say they were called to do this or that, but how do they really know? I don't know. I've been struggling with this for a while. I have the tendency to look for "signs" everywhere because I think they might be from God. I just don't know.

This is it... this is my last week out at camp. I go home probably next Tuesday. No more docks to sit on, no more beaches to run on, no more crazy mating squirrels, no more cheesecake, no more singing songs with kids right before bed, no more trips to Newton Farms, etc. I'm going to be soooo bored during that time before school starts back up. I'm ready to go back soon.

Yeah, I'm sorry... I really didn't have anything to write about. I just did it for Betsy's entertainment.