2,465 emails later:

I'm sitting here in Johnson A103 for the last time probably ever. It's so weird. My roommate is gone, and so are the majority of my belongings which my parents came to get today. I'm annoyed with myself for putting my journal in a box that went into my parents' car today. I was prepared to right a long winded report on my feelings for the year... well I wasn't sure what I was going to say exactly, but I was prepared to attempt to sort it all out. It sucks becaues I only have about four pages left in my journal from freshman year, which would have been pretty good for tonight. As a result not having it though, this blog entry may be a bit more personal than usual, so prepare yourself.

It's interesting because I actually selected another journal at Border's tonight--not my ideal idea of one, but somewhere in the right direction. It's got a drawing of a woman on the cover with a tear going down her cheek--sad, yet beautiful at the same time... sort of like life I think. I just tried to find a link with a picture of it, but I was unsucessful. Maybe one day you'll see it and just know. Anyway, so I bought that journal tonight, but I can't start it yet. I think I'll hold onto it until sophomore year.

So I sat in Border's for a while and stumbled across the realization that tonight would actually be good for me. At first I was dreading the time alone tonight in my nearly-abandoned room, but then I came to relish the idea. One last night at Wake for my freshman year--and a night to be alone! I finally have some time to reflect on my experiences this year. I don't think it'd be nearly as effective to do this at home because home is just an entirely different atmosphere. It's so still here tonight. Eerie almost, but peaceful. I sat outside for a while and only saw two people. The campus really is so beautiful, but it's also sort of fake. It really is only beautiful to lure you into coming to the school. Young, naive idealists take a look around the campus and sigh in content. It seems like the weather is always gorgeous when lots of people are visiting. It's so darn tricky. Classic example, right? Things aren't always what they seem, you can't judge a book by it's cover, beauty is only skin-deep, etc., but who listens to cliches anyway? They're just too... well, cliche.

So I wonder what it would have been like to go to a different school. My life would be so different now... or at least that's what I think. That's the problem--there's no way of knowing really. That's what sucks. I wanted to go to multiple schools to try them out, you know? Go to the first two weeks at Wake, go back in time and go to the first two weeks somewhere else and pick. But then life isn't that easy unless you are one of those lucky people who doesn't over-analyze everything and always come up short and dissapointed. I don't really want to be one of those people though. I find myself struggling aggainst that. I couldn't tell you why exactly. I just want to live a real life and be content at the end of the day, you know? but then... how do you do that? If I knew that I wouldn't be writing all this I don't think.

I don't know. I had such high expectations going into this. Yeah, I sort of have high expectations for everything, which makes it all so harder, but so much more worthit when things actually seem to fall into place. I thought (no, hoped) that I'd find people here I really connected with--people I could actually have real conversations with. Small talk only to fill in the background and to suppliment personal information. Or even small talk that just wasn't forced. I hate that--forced small talk. Why the heck do we find it necessary? Why do you ask me "what's up?" when you've already passed me on the sidewalk? what the heck is that, anyway? How are you supposed to respond to that? "uhh I'm fine... I guess." I don't know. Most of the time I just shrug my shoulders when people ask me that now. I like Sarah Tullis's response of "good enough." It sort of makes people uncomfortable. I actually like to make people uncomfortable sometimes though. I don't know... it's sort of a sick game I guess. When I used to find pauses in conversations uncomfortable, now I relish in the awkwardness and anticipation of the person's next move. Darn it, it's fun being awkward sometimes... if only because it makes people actually stop and pay attention to their actions. It tends to put an end to the automatic responses or at least challenge them, and I like that. Conversation doesn't have to be dull. It shouldn't be, in fact. I've even found that it sometimes is even possible to really talk to people at wake. hard to believe of course. The few people that I have connected with give me hope, and I need all of the hope I can get. It's like they keep me from starving to death, but leave me hungry for more. I feel like I really am getting by in this state of near starvation. but I have really enjoyed the presence of a few people here, and I think (and hope) you guys know if I'm referring to you. I feel like only a few people have gotten to know me or at least gotten to know more than just the me on the surface. I wish there were some way of finding people at this school that I'd click with that would stick out the four years here. Yeah, I can understand the desire to transfer. trust me. but man, I don't know if I could handle having high expectations and being let down again. to be cliche, Wake really was a good example of a beautiful letdown, right?

So yeah, freshman year...
wasn't worth the fifty million dollars it cost to come here. Definately not. I feel like such a jerk for making my parents pay that much. I feel like I should at least pretend that I really enjoyed it here, but I probably won't. I'm trying to pretend less. So I'm not sure why I'm not transferring. I'm so darn stubborn--I dont' know if that's good or bad most of the time. I feel like I have to ride it out... like I'm obligated to stick around. I mean Wake needs people like us, right? I may fit the stereotype--darn this blonde hair and light skin tone, but darn it I don't feel like I really fit or that I even want to fit here. I think I might be more nervous if I did love it here. So where does that leave me? What can I conclude from this year? I've really come to appreciate the small things in life this year. I mean you really have to if you want to keep going. the squirrel pearched on top of the trashcan, dancing around at work with my co-workers to god-awful songs, the first sip of your favorite smoothie, running down the stairs, almost running into someone, lying down after a long night, late night discussions with the roommate, nailing parallel parking, reading in reynolda gardens, listening to the rain through the open window at night, walking back to the room on a quiet night, sneaking just a bit of lemonade into my water in the pit, walking bearfoot in the grass, becoming familiar with your professors' wardrobe, watching the sun hit only the tops of the trees at the end of the day, the list goes on.

OK, so I've spend more time alone this year than I had planned on, but maybe I needed that. I know I definately need it tonight for closure. It woudn't have done to leave earlier when everyone else was leaving. I really did need tonight to try to assimilate my thoughts and just ponder the year. I needed to be alone and to lock myself in my room. Man, I nearly spent an hour typing this out. So that's it... I'm leaving tomorrow to go on some retreat. then I'll be home for about five days before I'm back out at camp. We'll see how that goes...

I must have an exam in two hours because I'm blogging...

and I do. oh well. This is the last one, so I've about shut down. It's weird... all I want to do is sit somewhere nice and just stare off at nothing. I may go to Border's or somewhere tonight to people watch/pretend to read a book. It will be great fun. I also need to take a look at journals... I'm about out of space--isn't that appropriate? I'm constantly looking for a really cool journal. One with home made pages and a ridiculously nice cover would be amazing... no, I really don't expect to find this at Border's, but it's fun to browse. I really want to read a book in it's entirety at Border's or some bookstore one day... this is not a small feat, mind you. I read really, really slow. Yes, I know everyone says that, but I really do. Everyone else is just exagerating. haha. (because I never exagerate. anything.)

So yeah, I've returned to more normal dreams IE camp dreams. I dreamed that Charlie was working again this summer on maintanence, and I was so excited. This may have come from thinking about him yesterday when I packed away the plexi glass sculpture of a wave that he made for me one day. man, I am so sentimental about pretty much everything. I don't know. I just can't help it. I'm sorry.

My parents are coming tomorrow to take away some of my treasured belongings (crap). It's all so crazy. It's like I want to be sentimental, but then I think to myself: wait, this year wasn't really too awesome, you dummy. Don't get so darn sentimental. But I can't help it. It's weird looking down the empty and quiet hall. I'll never be a freshman again. And although I didn't necessarily always enjoy living with the people on my hall, it will be weird without them. you know? *sigh.*

YEah, so about that exam in two hours... must stay focused!

a creepy dream

So I had a creepy dream this morning sometime between 8:37 and 9:42 AM. I know this because I looked at the clock at these times.

ok, so at first I was just watching a horror movie, but as the dream went on, I played a more active role in the movie. I soon was in the movie, but a passive observer of sorts. Then as the events started to unfold, I was a main character. I don't remember all of it, but the end and climax I guess was this:

We were at this house on a lake. It was weird because all of the sudden the land just stopped, and there was a really steep hill that led down into the lake. Anyway, we were walking down to the lake, and one of the guys was blind. I forgot that he couldn't see the ledge until we were right upon it, and I tried to warn him, but it was too late. He stepped off, and plumetted down to the water, so we all jumped in to see if he was OK. He was... I mean he was surprised of course, but he could swim. Anyway, once we saw he was ok, we took to playing around in the water. (it was at night, so it was that eerie calm with some fog over the serene water.) I guess we didn't notice that the blind guy had gotten out of the water, and walked back up to the house. (side note: this guy was creepy. he would stare right at you with his eyes even though he couldn't really see, and his eyes just seemed to pierce you.) The guy climbed up to the second or thrid story balcony/porch thing, and with a loud voice and a creepy smile, "I'm sick of this. I've had enough." At this point, I think he's just going to jump off the balcony and commit suicide, but he doesn't. That wouldn't be nearly as creepy. He slowly turns around, demonic smile still plastered across his face, and walks inside the bedroom. At this point, it doens't make sense that I can see what's going on in there, but I do. I see it through this really creepy old mirror--you know the one that is free standing with those weird feet things (like in Harry Potter the mirror or Erised)--not one that's against the wall. The guy just stands in front of the mirror as if he's looking into it, and this demon spirit thing comes out, and just brutally rapes and attacks him, but he just sort of stands there and takes it. This happens really fast, and there's blood everywhere. It's quite frightening and disturbing. Then as fast as it all started, suddenly the room was clean and empty. I had to stay in the house that night. There were two other people with me. The other two said they wanted to go into town, but for some reason (that doesn't really make sense considering what I just witnessed) I wanted to stay there. At first I thought we were in another room, but of course I realized after they left that it was the same room with the creepy mirror. That's when someone knocked on my door, and scared the crap out of me, and I woke up.

So yeah, that's weird. Usually I have pleasant dreams, but then every once and a while, I have a really disturbing one. Well, anyway, I have an exam in 45 minutes.

I don't know if it's the coffee or what, but

I've just been really jumpy lately. Just now for instance... I was just going over some power point presentations for my comm class and he programed some sound effects to go with the clicking that scared me not once, not twice, but three times. I don't know why, but every time I just gasped, and my heart skipped a beat. My roommate can tell you more about this phenomenon. She routinely scares the crap out of me when she walks into the room. Then there's my phone. Every time it goes off (which isn't too often--maybe that's the problem) I typically cry out "Oh!" or "Whoa!" Yeah, so I don't know. Maybe I'm just a nervous person... maybe it's the coffee. All I know is that I just had the equivalent of 3 1/2 servings of pears according to the label on the can. Pears are so good. I had forgotten.

I was thinking that I might take my last shower here without flip flops on. Is that gross? Yes, but I feel like it would just be appropriate.

Hmmm... the things I think about.

So tonight...

I went with four other people (Sarah, Alex, Jenn, and Courtney) to go see the shins in asheville. First of all, we almost died on the way there. It was actually quite awesome. Alex had just made some comment about hating semis, and this truck litterally starts coming into our lane when we were a good ways up on his side. The thing that made this bad was that we were in the very left lane on a bridge--literally no where to go. It was amazing that nothing happened. All I could do was watch the truck through the right windows and think to myself: hmmm that thing sure is close. wow, that's cool. I wonder what's going to happen. So yeah, that shook us up a bit and had us laughing nervously for about five minutes.

Then when we got there...
I met many of the people around me, so that was pretty cool. The opening act was definately interesting to say the least. They were called the Brunettes, and they had a whopping seven members including two tenor saxophones, a guitar, a bass, a banjo, a cello, drums, a triangle, wooden blocks, a clarinet, a trumpet, some weird piano kazoo thingy... the list goes on. (yes, they all played about fifty instruments.) They were sort of like a middle school band. Lots of clapping involved in the song. The girl who sang many of the songs was actually good though. I liked her voice. They had this song about mary-kate and ashley that involved wearing masks of the twins back in the Full House era... interesting. They also sang a song called "Holding Hands and Feeding Ducks."

Then the shins... well, I can't say I was honestly too impressed. The sound was really bad. Just a lot of noise--not too defined in my opinion. it was still fun, though. The guy with the long hair (and wearing a tie die shirt with a flannel shirt tied around his waste) was dancing pretty crazy in front of us... mixed feelings about this.

Went to waffle house afterwards. Listened to much 90's music in the car--we all sang along. It was great fun. Stopped at a gas station, some random guy payed for our gas, and then proceeded to talk to us for like 20 minutes. he was also quite interesting and intoxicated.

so yeah. It was a pretty good night all in all, I'd say. I enjoy road trips with people. Sometimes I wish we could do it just to do it.

I highly recommend

Dancing like crazy either by yourself or with your roommate. Just move around without thinking. it's quite nice. Think 80's songs, think big band songs, think middle school dance songs... there, you're on your way.

finally

I truly feel more content now than I have all year at Wake. It's strange. It really is indescribable... I just walked out of my last class in my FYS called Psychological Utopias. And let me say that there are times when I hated the class, and it seemed like a whole bunch of frustrating work with no real rewards, but looking back on it, I must say that I think it has been my favorite class at Wake so far. It was a real class, you know? Based almost entirely on the comments put out on the table by the 15 of us. We talked about so many issues--about life in general, the environment, other lifestyles, religion, determinism, ... the list goes on. I just felt like I learned so much from that class just through discussing the seven novels we read throughout the semester.

And here's the big moment:
As i walked out of the class room, I looked back, and my professor looked me in the eye and said, "take care." Now I know that sounds really simple, but I knew he actually meant it, and that's just so rare, you know? I felt it. I'm sorry I can't explain it much better. I wish we could all feel like this once and a while... just such a feeling of accomplishment and content and just real, honest sincerity. It was just amazing to me.

So the year is wrapping up--just one more day of classes. It's interesting really to look back on it all... but that's another entry waiting to happen.

Right now, I'm not even worried about my comm. paper that's due tomorrow that I haven't even started yet. (this is not necessarily a good thing, but there you have it.)

why is it...

that we feel like we're always supposed to be doing something? Sometimes don't you just want to sit and think or even just sit and stare at the wall. Even as I consider this, I think about time restrictions... you know what I mean. The "I simply don't have time to just sit around" or "sitting around is so unproductive," But is it really? I mean I think that slowing down and taking some time to just ponder life is good. It gives me a chance to try to sort things out and figure out what I like about my life and what I want to maybe work on. And sometimes it's just nice to ponder about random things such as wireless headphones for my i-pod (of the future), the possibility of banana juice, fruit flies, etc. I used to have this big chunk of time virtually every day when I would drive to and from school to just think or zone out or be still and reflect, but I've found that I have to almost fight for this time of solitude now. Sometimes I just want to go sit outside and watch people. So yeah, I'm all about the pondering of life. Some people may think that people who just sit around are lazy, but I think it's possible that they're doing grander things that simply reading a history text, etc. Some things can't be learned from a book.

I love how...

People hold the door open for everyone. It's just really nice.

Some examples:
-Walking up to Johnson, it's like this long line of people holding the door. The whole time I could see the front of Johnson, the door was held open by someone as the continual in and out flow occurred. I don't know... I just found that really cool.

-yesterday the same guy held the door open for me twice at different times and locations. it was nice.

it's just always nice when someone holds the door for you.

I don't know... maybe this appreciation derives from my southern roots or maybe I appreciate it so much because I didn't have access to any of the buildings for about a week when I lost my card and then was given a faulty one.

something else I want to do someday...

One of these days I'm going to go to a restaurant by myself (which isn't too unusual for say a Saturday afternoon really) and sit with a random person who also happens to be alone. Just think about how cool that could be. I mean it could potentially be construed as creepy, but I don't think I'm a very intimidating person, so I think I can get away with it. Really though, it'd be cool to just talk to someone new, you know? I was dissapointed... I went to Fazoli's (one of my favorite restaurants where I eat for just $2.99 every time--kid's ravioli with marinarra sauce and ulimited breadsticks), and I was actually going to do this, but will you believe it--no one was there alone! So yeah, some other time... it will happen. I mean if nothing else the person will have a funny story to tell their friends/family... yeah, some random girl sat at my table today and just started talking. You get the picture.

I find it interesting when...

we adopt our habits depending on who we are associating with. I find myself constantly adopting my speech intonations, tone, etc. depending on who I am talking to. Sometimes I don't even realize it at first. For example, last night I encountered a camoflagued guy listening to country music while me and Sarah were riding back from the party. He also drove a truck. So not to stereotype or anything, but I just started talking to him in a much more Southern accent. Then of course there's tone. Think about it today as you talk to different people. I don't know... maybe it's just me, but it does adapt at least some. I am much more soft spoken with people who are more laid back. It really is interesting. I think. OK, that's my deep thought for the day. haha.

St. Patrick's day, fool.

So many interesting things happened today.

1. I wore my uniform from high school. (green pleated skirt, arguile socks, white shirt, etc.) it was pretty sweet. I had been looking for an excuse to pull out the skirt for a while. I only got some slightly weird looks, some smiles, etc.

2. I bought one of those fountain pen things that you see them writing with back in the day and some brown ink to go with it. (I thought brown was nicer and more special than black.) My fingers are now brown from trying to get it right.

3. I went to a college frat party.
No, it's true.
How crazy is that? Yeah, it was theta chi. Themed for St. Patrick's Day of course. Sarah Tullis accompanied me for which I was greatful. I don't know. I felt so guilty as I walked up those beer and mud covered stairs on the way in. No, of course I didn't drink anything, but just being there made me feel like I was doing something wrong. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see people I knew or if it would be best not to. I did see one girl from one of my classes, so I went over and danced a bit. I've discovered that when pretty much everyone is drunk it doesn't matter if you can't really dance, so it's fun. I did sort of a jig--the skirt made it easier. You know, I just made it up, but people were so drunk that they thought it was awesome. Then a girl that went to my high school came up to me and started freaking out because I had on the uniform. That was amusing. So yeah, college party... check! sweet at least I've got that one out of the way.
So yeah, I can see where it'd be some fun if more people were dancing and I actually got to meet some people.

tra la la...

I feel oddly calm and at peace. This is a good thing, and it sort of surprised me to be honest. (which makes it even better.) I don't know. I'm just in a really chill, lackidaisical mood if you will. Back at school. made it in 4 hours and 6 minutes. Weather was gorgeous today. Sat outside for a while. went grocery shopping. The sky was absolutely amazing tonight. oh my gosh. it really was. For some reason I just couldn't get over it.

I'll try to paint a picture for you... the sky--darkening, but still various shades of blue and purple. the clouds--illuminated in the gorgeous sky. and all this through the naked limbs of the trees in the midst of a gentle and refreshing rain so light you can barely even detect it.

so yeah... less than two months, then school is done for a while. This is also a strange feeling. what the heck? how can I almost be done with my freshman year in college?! It just boggles my mind. yep, so there you go.

the magic of library books

So I got to thinking yesterday while attempting to read a library book. This happens all the time. As soon as I go to read something or occasionally when I go to fall asleep I just have all of these random thoughts.

So yeah, I started thinking yesterday... man, there is something that is just really cool about library books. I mean sure, it'd be nice to own the book because library books can be gross or smell like smoke or have mysterious stains on them, but in a way it's cool. I have probably lost you by now, so I'll explain myself. Maybe I think this way b/c my mom is a librarian, maybe I am just a Romantic, or maybe I just don't have enough money to buy books often, but think about it: chances are many others have read the book before you. The book in a way ties you together with these other people. Sure the stains may be gross, but it sort of makes you remember that other people have read the book. Then I sort of took it to the extreme and though something like well what if my soul mate (we will not get into the topic of soul mates now) either already read this book or will read it in the future? I mean how cool is that? I hold in my hands sort of a portal to other people and their lives. Then I start thinking about these lives of the other people. ok, so then of course I took it even farther. This relates back to the idea of the soul mate reading the same book. It'd be interesting to see what would happen if I left a slip of paper with my phone number on it in the book. You know? I mean what would happen? Aren't you curious now? It'd be interesting to say the least. I will not tell you which book I am going to leave my phone number in... only that I plan on leaving it in one of the books in the WF library. (I figure there's at least less of a chance that someone old will stumble across it.) and I know what you're thinking... even if it's a girl, maybe we can come to be good friends. Hey, it could happen alright?

Yeah, so this is a sample of what goes on in my head. I get off on all these tangents. Maybe that's why it takes me forever to read everything unless I'm super into it. My mind just waunders, and I am always asking those what if questions.

I hate it when...

[in no particular order]
1. every salad comes with some sort of meat product on top
2. I find a bone in my cheese quesadilla
3. I have nothing to do, and so much time to kill
4. I have everything to do, and no time
5. I overanalyze everything, and the results depress me
6. the wind blows up my skirt
7. you can see the price sticker for the thing you want, but it's out
8. people say they're going to call you, but they don't
9. I don't know what the deal is
10. I can't sleep at night b/c I watched a horror movie
11. I feel sorry for myself
12. I'm so indecisive
13. my lack of a social life depresses my mom
14. the maple syrup containers are all sticky
15. I see roadkill
16. I have to walk back from satellite alone in the cold
17. I feel like I have no control
18. the fruit flies appear out of nowhere
19. I get fined for having a "dirty refridgerator"
20. all I get is junk email
21. there's nothing good on the radio, and I forgot my CD's
22. I write these depressing blogs

Asheville.

well I made my first real road trip for jump last night. 2 hours each way... not too bad. Andrew accompanied me on the adventure. I was nervous that he wasn't going to think it was worth it. (I kind of didn't emphasize the facts that the show was a good 2 hours away, on a thurs night, it was 15 bucks, and the guys probably wouldn't come on til 10:30 or so.) Judging from his reactions though, I think he really enjoyed it, so that just goes to show you. If someone who has never seen them before thinks it was worth it to drive all that way, etc. then they really are amazing. That's all there is to it. I also got to see Ryan, so that was nice. How he predicted all those songs... man, he is a groupie. Some day I hope to attain his status.

Mark your calanders: April 15th at Ziggy's. I will be there... hopefully in the front row. Man, that post-concert feeling... there's just nothing like it. You know it was good when it lasts days later.

Anyway, yeah the show was pretty chill. They played some slower and certainly rarer songs because it was an acoustic show. Here are the songs that I remember them playing: By the Way they Dance, Matchbox whistler, Just a second, Mexico, Darkest Love, B-13, Dancing Virginia, Body Parts, BTDATD, Midnight (jay, not evan, but it's cool)Copper Kettle, Pink Lemonaid, Hold You Down, Not Today.

yeah. it was amazing. Perfect close to a ridculously hard week. wish I could see them every week.

My black P-500 extra fine Pilots

Ok, so this is weird, but there are these pens I've used since middle school that are absolutely amazing. I mean I write pretty small, so it's hard to find something that has a fine enough point yet still is smooth and clear. Yeah, so anyway... I had been really upset this past year because I couldn't find them anywhere. I searched at Walmart, office depot, staples, you name it. Yeah. So anyway, I had begun to give up hope of finding them, but then I saw the large office depot book in the bookstore here and decided to take a browse. Now this occurred last semester, and I have since then ordered 12 of these pens. (yeah, 12 seems like a lot, but I'll use them I promise.) Yeah, so you may be asking yourself something like ok, but why the heck are you writing about this? Yes, this is a logical question.

Here is the reason: today I was sitting in my interpersonal communication class when the girl next to me all of the sudden got my attention and said something like: Oh my gosh... let me see your pen. Oh! P-500's. Wow, you're going to think this is weird, but I love these pens, and they've stopped selling them. Where did you get them? Yeah, so how amazing is that? It was interesting that someone else out there has the same obcession with pens that I do. It would be a Wake Forest student.

the trend I've detected is towards low self-monitoring

I must say I'm in a darn good mood. Just got out of my interpersonal communication class where much class (and more specifically individual) participation occurred. It was nice. We did this thing where there was this list of around 250 adjectives, and we had to pick the ones that best described us. It was interesting, so I decided to volunteer my adjectives to the rest of the class, and my teacher sort of did a brief analysis of me. It was cool. He said I sounded like a very interesting person (haha) and that I would be interesting to get to know, but he made the prediction that someone would have to really make an effort to get to know me. yeah, I guess that's sort of true. So yeah, here they are because I'm sure you're curious... (in no particular order) self-conscious, perceptive, idealistic, imaginative, playful, intuitive, protective, cynical, trustworthy, determined, reflective, regretful, manipulative, religious, modest, elusive, naive, visionary, nervous, frank, sarcastic, youthful, inquisitive, honest, and indecisive. Yeah, I'm not proud of all of them, and a few of them I'd like to change, but I think it's pretty accurate.

uh huh, so I may still have some pesky hormones running around contributing to the being alone sucks state of mind, but today has been better. By the way, I think it's pretty crappy that everyone sort of assumes that boys have an excuse for not being able to control as much their attraction to girls as the general rule. It's all "because of their hormones," "boys will be boys..." What the heck? News flash: girls have hormones, too. Maybe we just deal with them better.

ok I'm done. thanks.

jumping back into life

Well I must be doing better because I caught myself running down stairs, skipping, and whistling. It's interesting because the last two days I didn't do any of that typically routine stuff due to my illness, but today I have just been doing better in general. The thing is, today I actually am in a better mood than I was in before I got sick, so I guess it's good to get sick every once and a while even if it sucks because it makes you appreciate stuff more. short and sweet today.

crap.

Awww man. So I think I'm definately sick. I rarely do this sick thing, so it sucks a whole lot. I also am pretty opposed to taking meds for a few reasons. (my dad hates them, so he has influenced me... my dad influences me a lot, really; I have the oppinion that by taking them you don't give your imune system a work out which leads to more sicknesses down the line; and I don't know... it just seems like cheating). So yeah, even though I was ridiculously tired from going rollar skating, I could not fall asleep. It's sad really b/c it could have potentially been one of my best night's sleep ever b/c I was so exhausted. (it defintaely was fun rollar skating though, and we convinced the little old woman to give us the tickets for about half price. sweet. Then of course the music was hoppin'. I had all sorts of flashbacks to middle school just through the songs. And then the girls trying to get down with Tim... haha. Funny, but also super sketcy. If it were anyone but Tim, it'd be really sketchy. Yeah, my thighs got a work out for sure.)

Yeah, so that's that. sorry... I complain too much, I know, but at least you don't have to read this if you don't want to. Cool, now it's time to watch movies in bed or at least that's the plan if I can get my hands on anything good. They only had 1/10 of the movies I wanted to check out from the library, and I already watched that one this afternoon--High Fidelity.)